Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
