I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
