What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
