Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
