I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
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