I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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