New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Randomize
