I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Life is so much better after having sex.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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