it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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