Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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