Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Can I color on your dick again?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
