you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
