I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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