planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
