2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
