can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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