The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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