I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You made out with two different species that night
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
