The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Randomize
