Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
