Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
