who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
