The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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