she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Vodka?
Forever.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I think my moral compass just broke
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