omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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