bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
