I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
