I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm too high and old for this...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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