i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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