So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
