his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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