just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
