the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
