His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
