i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
