My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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