i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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