Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
