I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
