i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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