tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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