he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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