I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
