i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
