Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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