Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I think people are normalizing furries
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
