You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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