I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
