My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
