You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
