Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
