I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
you never un-have a 4some
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
