so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Randomize
