fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
