Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
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