can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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