I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
