My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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