i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
