have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
