it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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