hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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