Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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