Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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