My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
